Fuga - inspiration

Bach really does give me goosebumps as I play. Sometimes, you could criticize my playing as being all about intonation with no feeling at all. That is how I play scales and études. And sometimes I feel that way when practicing a piece of music, as well. But not so with Bach.

On the second page of the Fuga in my edition, there's a doublestop section in which, for four measures, the chords alternate between one with an open D and something on the A string and a chord on the A and E strings. The open D note rings hauntingly during this section. It's like a drum beat. The resonating string also reminds me of the sound you get blowing over the top of a partially filled glass bottle. That's a very good simile. It's like a drum beat in that it does echo and repeat steadily throughout the passage. The quality of the sound is like someone blowing over the top of a glass bottle.

These four measures of chords lead into an arpeggio section where, again, each tiny phrase returns to a base note that sounds like a drum beat. As I played this section today, I really did feel inspired. I did a crescendo that just felt and sounded right. When I intended to practice the doublestops in isolation, I couldn't stop. I just wanted to keep going.

Unfortunately, I'm not always inspired when I play. Playing a song without inspiration can feel shallow. It's not fun to play dynamics because you know you're supposed to and not because you feel like it. The really frustrating part about it is that someone playing with inspiration, like Itzhak Perlman, sounds good no matter what they do. Perlman plays out of rhythm a lot and his dynamics aren't always what the textbook might say to do. He might do a crescendo at the end of a phrase in which the scale is going down that sounds much better than my carefully calculated diminuendo, for example. But he always sounds perfect. Whereas when I intentionally play dynamics and do ritards, I sometimes just sound boring.

I think that the intentional musicality one applies in practicing is just something you do to simulate being inspired. What Perlman is doing is right, for him. If it's not exactly what one might have written in one's music, that's no slight to Perlman; that's because the notes in one's music were inadequate. You can't capture inspiration in your notes.

But there's nothing like the real thing. When you have goosebumps, whatever you're doing is right. Throw your markings to the wind.

One last note: In order to get inspired, you have to play scales and études first. The warm up may not be inspiring at all. It may even be frustrating. But if you let your daily bad mood keep you from picking up your violin in the first place or let your bad scales discourage you, you won't ever get to the point where you're inspired. I know practicing will make me feel good, though I don't want to practice before I start. I have to trick myself into practicing. Oh, inertia.